he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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