Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
