You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
