Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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