farters have to be the big spoon...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
