Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
