If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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