As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
