Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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