We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
