You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
