I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
