I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize