Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
