I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
