She is in my trunk
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
