he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
