Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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