Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
