Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
