dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
