Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
porn star boner night. come get it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
