I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
