You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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