How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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