Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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