We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Are we still banned from the library?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
