if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
