He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
