i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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