only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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