So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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