Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and she was petting her beer can
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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