so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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