it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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