I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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