Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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