Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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