another moral hangover. fuck.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
