I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
