i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
