This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is my gift to your gina
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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