Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
