I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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