I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
