Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
