Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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