All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
