I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
