The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
