Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
