I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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