BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
