Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
