dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
