the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
