If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
