Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
