Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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