I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
