final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
