I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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