ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
