you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
