recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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